Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
