i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
