How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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