If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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