remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
