he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
