So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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