It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
