So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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