I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
