How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
