I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
