it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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