I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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