Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
