I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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