I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
