Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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