Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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