oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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