New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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