there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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