Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
