whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
