So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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