Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
