I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
