there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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