Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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