her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
