My friends, they love my intelligence
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
