shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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