hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
