I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
