Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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