i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
