Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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