Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
