I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Randomize
