I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
