Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
