I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
