she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
