Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
