I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
