The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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