ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
