So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
