He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
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wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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