I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
