his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
