I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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