I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
