I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
