I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
