oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
