hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
