After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
