We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
