I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
