We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
