Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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