Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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