the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
