I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
nutella sex= disaster
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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