Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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