You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
