I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
