there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
