This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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