Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
