I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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