FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
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Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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