non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just high enough for therapy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize