dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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