On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Its about making memories worth repressing
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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