We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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